If someone you care about has a drinking problem, A.A. might have a solution for them.
Whether you are the partner, parent or child of a problem drinker, your understanding of the nature of the problem can play a vital part in helping the alcoholic to achieve and maintain sobriety. Hope is the ever-present theme in A.A. Many members once considered hopeless drunks now have years of sobriety behind them.
A.A. is made up of alcoholics helping alcoholics recover. Al-Anon, a separate entity from A.A., uses the general principles of the A.A. programme as a guide for people close to alcoholics to find recovery. Alateen, part of Al-Anon, provides support for teenage children of alcoholics. To contact Al-Anon Family Groups in Aotearoa New Zealand visit al-anon.org.nz or free call 0508 425 266.
There are many different ideas about what alcoholism really is. The explanation that seems to make sense to most A.A. members is that alcoholism is a progressive illness that can never be cured but that, like some other diseases, can be arrested. Many A.A. members feel the illness represents the combination of a physical sensitivity to alcohol and a mental obsession with drinking. Together, these make it difficult to stop drinking by willpower alone, even when there are negative consequences. Before they are exposed to A.A., many alcoholics who are unable to stop drinking think of themselves as morally weak or, possibly, mentally unbalanced. The A.A. concept is that alcoholics are sick people who can recover if they follow a simple programme. There must also be a desire to get well. Experience shows that the A.A. programme will work for all alcoholics who are sincere in their efforts to stop drinking; it usually will not work for those not absolutely certain that they want to stop.
It is not easy to know when an alcoholic is “ready” for A.A. Not all drinkers descend to the same physical or mental states before they decide to seek help. It may take the alcoholics themselves some time to admit their own illness. They may protest that their problems are “different” and that A.A. is not necessary or desirable for them.
Anyone who loves an alcoholic finds these reactions and evasions bitter pills to swallow. The simple truth is that no one can force the A.A. programme on anyone else. However, if the drinker you care about hesitates to go for needed help, you can take some action to assist in recovery. You can develop a good and, if possible, firsthand understanding of the A.A. programme, so that when the alcoholic is ready, you will be in the best position to help. A.A.’s long experience has taught us the need for confidence and patience in encouraging the alcoholic to begin the process of recovery.
A.A. members meet regularly to share their experience, strength and hope with each other in order to stay sober themselves and help others to achieve sobriety. At meetings, members are introduced to the Twelve Step programme of recovery and will often choose a sponsor to guide them through the programme. In our experience, the people who recover in A.A. are those who: a) stay away from the first drink; b) attend A.A. meetings regularly; c) seek out the people in A.A. who have successfully stayed sober for some time; d) try to put into practice the A.A. programme of recovery; e) obtain and study the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous.
There is a saying in Alcoholics Anonymous that “we are people who normally would not mix” and this is reflected in our diverse membership. Because alcoholism can affect anyone regardless of age, race, sexual-orientation, education, marital or financial status, you will find A.A. full of people from all walks of life. What connects us is our common problem (alcoholism) and common solution (the A.A. Twelve Step programme). You can also find special meetings which cater for different groups within our community such as women’s meetings, Rainbow meetings, and young people’s meetings.
Since regular attendance at meetings plays an essential part in continued sobriety, the loved ones of an alcoholic may wonder where they fit into the programme of recovery. Some of these people attend open A.A. meetings. It gives them a chance to share the road back to normal life with the alcoholic. It also provides the opportunity to learn how other people are meeting the challenge of living with a problem drinker who no longer drinks. Al-Anon meetings also provide a chance to meet and discuss your problems with other people in similar circumstances.
A.A. is not offering a “cure” for alcoholism. We believe the alcoholic is a sick person suffering from a disease – a physical compulsion combined with a mental obsession to drink – and that they will never be able to drink moderately like non-alcoholics. A.A. offers continuous support on the sobriety journey for those who want it. By regularly attending meetings, practicing the Twelve Steps as a way of life and helping others, many members discover they no longer need or want to drink alcohol.
We know that many people come to A.A. with problems other than alcohol and there can be a long road to recovery ahead. A.A. does not proclaim to have a solution for everything. As our co-founder Bill W wrote, “Sobriety — freedom from alcohol — through the teaching and practice of the Twelve Steps is the sole purpose of an A.A. group.”
Learn to identify active alcoholism and how A.A. might be able to help.
